A Girl Who Doesn’t Like Herself

Sometimes a person won’t like the way they look, but for me, I sometimes see flaws that aren’t really there.

A reflection,

a likeness of myself

even if I don’t like myself.

It is me, myself, and I

don’t like who’s staring back,

at least I didn’t for awhile.

I thought it was beauty I lacked,

but really it was self esteem.

I didn’t like how I seemed

in the mirror, in front of me.

So first I tried to paint my face;

the mistakes I tried to erase.

I became addicted to the makeup case

that seemed to fill my empty space.

Until it didn’t anymore.

And I had to find something else

to pour my self-pity into.

Then I tried to exercise,

allow the hormones to race inside.

Until, I once again relied

on something that didn’t coincide

with my eating guide.

ThenĀ  I only saw the weight

and I began to hate myself

for being a whopping size eight,

that only seemed to inflate.

I thought of taking diet pills

but, my friend said they just made her ill.

So first I stopped drinking refills,

then stopped refilling my plate,

and then stopped eating some meals

Until, it almost became a skill.

But, the emptiness didn’t make me feel slight

because sometimes, I would eat everything in sight,

but still in the morning not feel quite right.

The mirror didn’t show my weight as light,

or my life.

This went on too long,

thought my mom, who decided what I

needed most was to move on.

And even though she tried to fix me,

And even though doctors tried to fix me,

And even though counsellors tried to fix me,

I knew it was up to me,

to fix me.

They told me many helpful things

in hopes that they would work,

but I realized that they never would

unless I changed my perception first.

One day, long ago I used to think

my image would never change until…

One day I decided to change my face.

One day instead of frowning back at myself,

I smiled.


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