Sometimes a person won’t like the way they look, but for me, I sometimes see flaws that aren’t really there.
a likeness of myself
even if I don’t like myself.
It is me, myself, and I
don’t like who’s staring back,
at least I didn’t for awhile.
I thought it was beauty I lacked,
but really it was self esteem.
I didn’t like how I seemed
in the mirror, in front of me.
So first I tried to paint my face;
the mistakes I tried to erase.
I became addicted to the makeup case
that seemed to fill my empty space.
Until it didn’t anymore.
And I had to find something else
to pour my self-pity into.
Then I tried to exercise,
allow the hormones to race inside.
Until, I once again relied
on something that didn’t coincide
with my eating guide.
Then I only saw the weight
and I began to hate myself
for being a whopping size eight,
that only seemed to inflate.
I thought of taking diet pills
but, my friend said they just made her ill.
So first I stopped drinking refills,
then stopped refilling my plate,
and then stopped eating some meals
Until, it almost became a skill.
But, the emptiness didn’t make me feel slight
because sometimes, I would eat everything in sight,
but still in the morning not feel quite right.
The mirror didn’t show my weight as light,
or my life.
This went on too long,
thought my mom, who decided what I
needed most was to move on.
And even though she tried to fix me,
And even though doctors tried to fix me,
And even though counsellors tried to fix me,
I knew it was up to me,
to fix me.
They told me many helpful things
in hopes that they would work,
but I realized that they never would
unless I changed my perception first.
One day, long ago I used to think
my image would never change until…
One day I decided to change my face.
One day instead of frowning back at myself,