Rules of Body Dysmorphia

  1. To not seem fat, eat less than everyone around you in public
  2. To not seem fat, squeeze into smaller clothes than your size
  3. To not seem fat, weigh yourself in the morning, before eating and after using the washroom
  4. To not seem fat, only wear dark clothes
  5. To not seem fat, talk about going to the gym often
  6. To not seem fat, never ask a dressing room attendant for a larger size
  7. To not seem fat, walk really quietly as to not make a scene
  8. To not seem fat, skip dessert
  9. To not seem fat, work out in front of the television
  10. To not seem fat, walk extra to get where you are going
  11. To not seem fat, make a point of eating healthy in public
  12. To not seem fat, take all your pictures at a higher angle
  13. To not seem fat, hide your binge eating by doing it alone
  14. To not seem fat, try not to get out of breath when climbing up the stairs
  15. To not seem fat, drink black coffee
  16. To not seem fat, suggest high energy activities like hiking
  17. To not seem fat, order salad
  18. To not seem fat, sit by yourself so you don’t have to squeeze past anyone
  19. To not seem fat, don’t talk about Netflix shows or people will think you are lazy
  20. To not seem fat, talk about how much you love your diet
  21. To not seem fat, cut your hair to frame your face
  22. To not seem fat, do face exercises to get rid of your double chin
  23. To not seem fat, make yourself feel guilty when you miss the gym
  24. To not seem fat, don’t eat anything past 6 pm because you probably won’t burn it off
  25. To not seem fat, don’t take any food offered to you
  26. To not seem fat, wear athletic clothing
  27. To not seem fat, walk fast
  28. To not seem fat, blend in with the crowd
  29. To not seem fat, stop eating
  30. To not seem fat, wear makeup to contour your chipmunk cheeks
  31. To not seem fat, put on fake nails to hide your sausage fingers
  32. To not seem fat, avoid skinny people
  33. To not seem fat, don’t drink alcohol
  34. To not seem fat, don’t go swimming
  35. To not seem fat, go hardcore in workouts to the point where you hurt yourself
  36. To not seem fat, turn down measurements at clothing stores
  37. To not seem fat, pick out the largest size and ask for a smaller one if it doesn’t fit
  38. To not seem fat, don’t ask for seconds
  39. To not seem fat, take smaller portions
  40. To not seem fat, as people if you look fat
  41. To not seem fat, date someone bigger than you
  42. To not seem fat, never get naked
  43. To not seem fat, don’t use condiments
  44. To not seem fat, don’t show off your problem areas
  45. To not seem fat, don’t where stripes
  46. To not seem fat, don’t wear shapeless items
  47. To not seem fat, don’t look in the mirror
  48. To not seem fat, don’t be fat
  49. To not seem fat, don’t eat
  50. To not seem fat…

 

Generosity

Are my friends, my friends because I’m a nice person?

Are my friends, my friends because of who I am?

Are my friends, my friends because they genuinely appreciate me,

Or, are my friends, my friends because of what I have.

Are my friends, my friends because I’m not busy?

Are my friends, my friends because of convenience?

Are my friends, my friends because I stick around,

Or, are my friends, my friends because they want me?

I think to myself, and all that I’ve done and wonder if it is enough?

 

The Way We Were

The Way We Move

A sway of the hips,

a little interesting.

A seat on their lap,

a little more.

Lips on one’s cheek,

faces all rouged.

Hands in their hair,

Necks all bruised.

Fingers caressing

every line and curve,

as I patiently wait for you

to build up enough nerve

to ask for what you want.

I want to share what I’ve got!

Just remember to ask,

because I’ll have you know,

consent is sexy, but

only green light means go.

 

The Way We Slept

In each other’s arms,

groped by the other’s figure.

We were closely intertwined,

but we never rested long enough to close our eyes.

 

The Way We Touched

Your arm stretched out across my shoulders.

Your eyes looking at me.

You want something.

I want to share,

only difference is, you don’t ask.

back to All My Thoughts

Consent

Lips on cheeks,
fingers in hair,
hands on hips,
floating on air.

Fingers caressing,
butterfly feelings,
ideas of loving
sound so appealing.

One is not ready
and feels alone.
She says, “I think
it’s time to go home.”

“Not now, not yet,”
the other replies,
gripping her wrists
as down they lie.

She doesn’t want to
be touched, undressed.
But frozen in fear
as on her, they’re pressed.

Isn’t this normal?
Isn’t this right?
Doesn’t she want this?
So why doesn’t she fight?

And when she leaves,
body all sore,
she doesn’t fight back
against the hug at the door.

back to Breakthrough